2008 Woodie Awards
SemAntics: Fun Fox News headlines
Katie Rose Guest
Issue date: 10/24/06 Section: Opinions
I'm watching Fox News at a coffee shop with two friends today. We like this place because it's away from our usual haunts and we can be anonymous. They have big, comfortable armchairs to sprawl in. There's also plenty of parking here, unlike downtown, where you either have to pay or move your car every two hours.
This coffee shop has two serious problems, though. First, they always have the radio set too loud playing crappy easy-listening hits. Second, they have a big television tuned at all times to Fox News, albeit muted. I've asked them if they could change the channel to something less annoying, but the staff informed me the owner of the place requires the television be kept on Fox News.
"They always have the music on too loud here," I say to my friend Aaron.
"I think they want to hide the fact that they're not doing any business," he says. I look around and see the coffee shop is empty except for Aaron, me, and our friend Purvi. It's two o'clock on a Saturday. We wouldn't even be able to get a seat at the Green Bean.
"It's because coffee shop regulars are funky liberals who like good music and hate Fox News," I say. "They're driving us away. My God, is this UB40?"
"Fine Young Cannibals. I always picture those two bands as buddies."
I start watching the Fox News headlines. I can't hear the audio, but this is what I see: Record Afghan Opium Crop.
"Did you know they grow opium plants in Afghanistan?" I say.
"They've grown poppies for years," Purvi says.
"No-the headline says they've grown opium," Aaron says.
I know this is confusing, especially for the folks at Fox News, but the red flowers they are splashing on the screen are not opium plants. They are poppy plants.
According to The Straight Dope, "Of the 90 or so species of poppy, one, Papaver somniferum, is commonly used for two things: drugs and food." The seeds of this plant are completely legal in the United States so long as you are not going to grow poppies for opium from them. Bakers use them all the time to make lemon and poppy seed muffins. These are the same poppy seed muffins sold in your friendly neighborhood coffee shop. In fact, these muffins are being sold fifteen feet from where I'm sitting right now. Talk about misinformation. But the headlines keep coming:
Nuclear Showdown: Six Nations Will Discuss Sanctions Against Iran. Why would Fox News frame a non-violent alternative to disarming Iran--that is, sanctions-as a "showdown"? Negotiations, sanctions, and disarmament are not showdowns, not fights. The word "showdown" invokes old Western movies, like the Showdown at the OK Corral: Wyatt Earp and friends bringing the law (and death) down on the bad guys with their big guns. These are typical American bully motifs favored by the Bush administration and propagated by Fox News.
I'm really glad we're considering sanctions against Iran rather than another invasion of a sovereign nation-state. Don't get me wrong: I'm pretty sure President Ahmadinejad of Iran is loony, and he doesn't need to have his hands on nuclear weapons. In fact, I would like to see all nuclear weapons removed from the face of our wonderful planet-including America's. What I don't want is a "Nuclear Showdown." Next headline:
Battle For Iraq. So this is what we're calling it now. I had no idea. I guess this is better than "Shock and Awe"-but what am I saying? That spin was so 2004. Let's see. We can't deny we're fighting, so I get "battle." And we're definitely in Iraq, so I get that part to. What's interesting about this little phrase is the tricky preposition in the middle. Battle FOR Iraq. Did you know we were fight FOR Iraq? I thought we were fighting FOR America. FOR democracy. FOR freedom. That's what Bush says. What isn't said by our government? We're fighting FOR oil. FOR control of the Persian Gulf region. FOR hubris.
I have to stop watching. I wonder if I should write a letter to the owner of the coffee shop to let him know he's losing business. But I guess he knows. He knows what it means to force-feed his customers Fox News; otherwise he wouldn't do it. He knows the power of simple headlines. He knows the power of words.
Katie suggests that interested readers rent the documentary Outfoxed or visit www.outfoxed.org.
Read more from Katie at her blog:
http://southernsemantics.blogspot.com
This coffee shop has two serious problems, though. First, they always have the radio set too loud playing crappy easy-listening hits. Second, they have a big television tuned at all times to Fox News, albeit muted. I've asked them if they could change the channel to something less annoying, but the staff informed me the owner of the place requires the television be kept on Fox News.
"They always have the music on too loud here," I say to my friend Aaron.
"I think they want to hide the fact that they're not doing any business," he says. I look around and see the coffee shop is empty except for Aaron, me, and our friend Purvi. It's two o'clock on a Saturday. We wouldn't even be able to get a seat at the Green Bean.
"It's because coffee shop regulars are funky liberals who like good music and hate Fox News," I say. "They're driving us away. My God, is this UB40?"
"Fine Young Cannibals. I always picture those two bands as buddies."
I start watching the Fox News headlines. I can't hear the audio, but this is what I see: Record Afghan Opium Crop.
"Did you know they grow opium plants in Afghanistan?" I say.
"They've grown poppies for years," Purvi says.
"No-the headline says they've grown opium," Aaron says.
I know this is confusing, especially for the folks at Fox News, but the red flowers they are splashing on the screen are not opium plants. They are poppy plants.
According to The Straight Dope, "Of the 90 or so species of poppy, one, Papaver somniferum, is commonly used for two things: drugs and food." The seeds of this plant are completely legal in the United States so long as you are not going to grow poppies for opium from them. Bakers use them all the time to make lemon and poppy seed muffins. These are the same poppy seed muffins sold in your friendly neighborhood coffee shop. In fact, these muffins are being sold fifteen feet from where I'm sitting right now. Talk about misinformation. But the headlines keep coming:
Nuclear Showdown: Six Nations Will Discuss Sanctions Against Iran. Why would Fox News frame a non-violent alternative to disarming Iran--that is, sanctions-as a "showdown"? Negotiations, sanctions, and disarmament are not showdowns, not fights. The word "showdown" invokes old Western movies, like the Showdown at the OK Corral: Wyatt Earp and friends bringing the law (and death) down on the bad guys with their big guns. These are typical American bully motifs favored by the Bush administration and propagated by Fox News.
I'm really glad we're considering sanctions against Iran rather than another invasion of a sovereign nation-state. Don't get me wrong: I'm pretty sure President Ahmadinejad of Iran is loony, and he doesn't need to have his hands on nuclear weapons. In fact, I would like to see all nuclear weapons removed from the face of our wonderful planet-including America's. What I don't want is a "Nuclear Showdown." Next headline:
Battle For Iraq. So this is what we're calling it now. I had no idea. I guess this is better than "Shock and Awe"-but what am I saying? That spin was so 2004. Let's see. We can't deny we're fighting, so I get "battle." And we're definitely in Iraq, so I get that part to. What's interesting about this little phrase is the tricky preposition in the middle. Battle FOR Iraq. Did you know we were fight FOR Iraq? I thought we were fighting FOR America. FOR democracy. FOR freedom. That's what Bush says. What isn't said by our government? We're fighting FOR oil. FOR control of the Persian Gulf region. FOR hubris.
I have to stop watching. I wonder if I should write a letter to the owner of the coffee shop to let him know he's losing business. But I guess he knows. He knows what it means to force-feed his customers Fox News; otherwise he wouldn't do it. He knows the power of simple headlines. He knows the power of words.
Katie suggests that interested readers rent the documentary Outfoxed or visit www.outfoxed.org.
Read more from Katie at her blog:
http://southernsemantics.blogspot.com
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work at home business opportunity
posted 5/22/07 @ 4:09 PM EST
And advice on when to consider therapy or cannonade imposer grumbler.
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