2008 Woodie Awards
One, Two, Three.... FOUR!
A review of the new alcoholic beverage
Luke McIntyre
Issue date: 10/2/07 Section: Life
Whenever someone hands me a hallucinogen, I tend to pass. I like to pick and choose the drugs in which I indulge. I enjoy my daily dose of caffeine and not-quite-daily dose of alcohol, and I have, at times, had a sip or two of the potentially hallucinogenic and certainly powerful liquor called Absinthe. So, you can imagine my excitement when I heard of Four.
This drink is named after its four-pronged attack on your senses; it has caffeine, taurine and guarana-three stimulants-as well as wormwood, the same supposedly hallucinogenic plant that gives Absinthe its fame.
Oh, and alcohol. Did I mention that? Six percent alcohol. I'm not sure why it's not called Five.
As you may know, Absinthe is illegal in the United States. It is legal, however, to have the active components of it, and to put wormwood in other beverages. American drug laws are funny like that. That makes Four one of the few, if not only, wormwood-containing alcoholic beverages to be marketed in the U.S. in the past century or so. I set out to try it immediately.
My friend Mark and I began the night early and as we often do on weeknights, by playing a drinking game version of Madden NFL on Xbox. We poured the 16-ounce cans over ice and were a little surprised by the fluorescent pink foam that popped up, which was even brighter than the pink drink itself.
The fizzy brew tastes of strawberry and the diet drink Tab, with a little bubblegum mixed in for kicks. Its sweetness didn't leave a coating in your mouth, which is the turn off of a lot of fruity-flavored malt beverages. The taste concern hurdled, we set about getting a lot of this creative mixture in our systems.
The night was starting to feel like any other, he and I arguing over whether catches should or should not have been caught and taunting each other's computer players. I felt clearheaded, at least until I made the mistake of standing up.
"Dear Luke,
We've decided we're not listening to you tonight.
Sincerely,
Your legs"
I plopped back down on the couch and rethought the situation. I typed out a goodbye message to a friend on my laptop's instant messenger, but the intended "gotta go" came out as "dogga do." Needless to say, both ends of the conversation were confused. After about an hour of pounding the stuff the stimulants were energizing my brain while the alcohol in my system was enough to make my extremities rebellious. It was an interesting body buzz.
Meanwhile, Mark was feeling the effects of the caffeine. Another friend of ours, Chris, said to Mark, "I can tell you're uneasy. You've got that restless look."
There was almost a bumping behind my eyes. The caffeine was pushing me to be active, but the alcohol was preventing any sort of coordinated movement. Four makes you energetic enough to dance, and drunk enough to not care how foolish you look doing it.
As we moved from Madden to a series of other drinking games, another element started to kick in. I can't say for certain that it was the wormwood, and even heavy drinkers of Absinthe will have trouble describing its effects to you, but it was … different, almost as if the room was a real life version of a "Can you spot the missing items?" newspaper comic. There was something amiss, I just couldn't put my finger on what it was--my fingers were being little jerks about the situation anyway. Maybe Mark said it best when he described it as "the most clairvoyant drunk [he's] ever had." I'd have to agree. It was a new, different, and incredibly pleasant buzz.
Then came the fallout. Everyone remembers from their high school D.A.R.E. classes that it takes about an hour for one drink of alcohol to progress through your system. Caffeine, on the other hand, takes several hours to wear off. You can probably sense the upcoming dilemma.
My friend and I both had trouble sleeping that night, to put it quite mildly. Our obvious mistake was continuing to drink copious amounts of the beverage we knew to be caffeine-packed with an almost masochistic disregard for our normal sleep patterns.
Four is ideal as a party drink. It's not, I have learned, an appropriate nightcap. That rather obvious fact taken into consideration, I'd recommend the pink mixture to anyone looking for a bit of a change.
They say some drinks pack a punch. Four hits you with a combination that refuses to knock you out.
Locally, Four can be found at Bestway, Spring Garden Texaco, University Mart, The Spot, College Mart, and University General. Have fun, and remember to be safe. Caffeine can make you an energetic drunk, but you're still drunk.
This drink is named after its four-pronged attack on your senses; it has caffeine, taurine and guarana-three stimulants-as well as wormwood, the same supposedly hallucinogenic plant that gives Absinthe its fame.
Oh, and alcohol. Did I mention that? Six percent alcohol. I'm not sure why it's not called Five.
As you may know, Absinthe is illegal in the United States. It is legal, however, to have the active components of it, and to put wormwood in other beverages. American drug laws are funny like that. That makes Four one of the few, if not only, wormwood-containing alcoholic beverages to be marketed in the U.S. in the past century or so. I set out to try it immediately.
My friend Mark and I began the night early and as we often do on weeknights, by playing a drinking game version of Madden NFL on Xbox. We poured the 16-ounce cans over ice and were a little surprised by the fluorescent pink foam that popped up, which was even brighter than the pink drink itself.
The fizzy brew tastes of strawberry and the diet drink Tab, with a little bubblegum mixed in for kicks. Its sweetness didn't leave a coating in your mouth, which is the turn off of a lot of fruity-flavored malt beverages. The taste concern hurdled, we set about getting a lot of this creative mixture in our systems.
The night was starting to feel like any other, he and I arguing over whether catches should or should not have been caught and taunting each other's computer players. I felt clearheaded, at least until I made the mistake of standing up.
"Dear Luke,
We've decided we're not listening to you tonight.
Sincerely,
Your legs"
I plopped back down on the couch and rethought the situation. I typed out a goodbye message to a friend on my laptop's instant messenger, but the intended "gotta go" came out as "dogga do." Needless to say, both ends of the conversation were confused. After about an hour of pounding the stuff the stimulants were energizing my brain while the alcohol in my system was enough to make my extremities rebellious. It was an interesting body buzz.
Meanwhile, Mark was feeling the effects of the caffeine. Another friend of ours, Chris, said to Mark, "I can tell you're uneasy. You've got that restless look."
There was almost a bumping behind my eyes. The caffeine was pushing me to be active, but the alcohol was preventing any sort of coordinated movement. Four makes you energetic enough to dance, and drunk enough to not care how foolish you look doing it.
As we moved from Madden to a series of other drinking games, another element started to kick in. I can't say for certain that it was the wormwood, and even heavy drinkers of Absinthe will have trouble describing its effects to you, but it was … different, almost as if the room was a real life version of a "Can you spot the missing items?" newspaper comic. There was something amiss, I just couldn't put my finger on what it was--my fingers were being little jerks about the situation anyway. Maybe Mark said it best when he described it as "the most clairvoyant drunk [he's] ever had." I'd have to agree. It was a new, different, and incredibly pleasant buzz.
Then came the fallout. Everyone remembers from their high school D.A.R.E. classes that it takes about an hour for one drink of alcohol to progress through your system. Caffeine, on the other hand, takes several hours to wear off. You can probably sense the upcoming dilemma.
My friend and I both had trouble sleeping that night, to put it quite mildly. Our obvious mistake was continuing to drink copious amounts of the beverage we knew to be caffeine-packed with an almost masochistic disregard for our normal sleep patterns.
Four is ideal as a party drink. It's not, I have learned, an appropriate nightcap. That rather obvious fact taken into consideration, I'd recommend the pink mixture to anyone looking for a bit of a change.
They say some drinks pack a punch. Four hits you with a combination that refuses to knock you out.
Locally, Four can be found at Bestway, Spring Garden Texaco, University Mart, The Spot, College Mart, and University General. Have fun, and remember to be safe. Caffeine can make you an energetic drunk, but you're still drunk.
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