Stereotypes aside: Why it's important for gay men and women to "come out"

Hollywood actors and musicians have been coming out of the closet in large numbers over the last few years. Although many people had suspected Adam Lambert and Ricky Martin to be gay, no one expected True Blood’s Anna Paquin to confess her bisexuality. Lance Bass and Clay Aiken also gained attention for coming out, as well as numerous politicians, often times inadvertently due to the uncovering of a scandal or sexual harassment complaint. Despite what people may assume, gay celebrities have been welcomed and adored by the general public.

Before the acceleration of the gay rights movement in the late 1970’s, coming out of the closet was taboo, often times resulting in being isolated from families, friends, and being discriminated against in the work place. Harvey Milk motivated gays all across the country to stand together as a united front and come out of the closet, with hopes of showing the country and the world gay people are essentially everywhere. His general belief was that the gay rights movement would cease to exist and progress into the 21st century if everyone denied their true identity out of fear from torment from anti-gay groups and the religious right. As a gay man who came out to a few select individuals at age 14 and to everyone at age 17, I shared those fears, but did not allow them to dictate my life.

“Two Teenagers in 20” is a book filled with actual accounts of the struggles of coming out from gay and lesbian teenagers from all across the country. Although the book was published in 1994 and is slightly outdated, the issues the book raises about coming out is still effecting young gay and lesbian Americans today. A common fear presented in the book is how their parents and family would respond to finding out their son or daughter is gay. While some teens were treated no differently and loved no less, others were either forced to move out or sent to a doctor for psychiatric “help.”

 These harsh actions taken by parents was driven by religious fundamentalism; the belief that homosexuality is a sin and a ticket straight to hell. Also, these same parents believe that homosexuality is a lifestyle choice rather than a small fraction of their child’s identity. Under these unfortunate circumstances, one teenager said that “I repressed these feelings. I began feeling crazy, suicidal, and depressed.” Another teenager with the same struggle ultimately killed herself by overdosing on her own prescription medicine, and others contemplated or attempted suicide. Do American parents actually consider this a healthy way to treat the children they claim to love?

As younger Americans have started coming out in larger numbers in a slightly more liberal culture, being gay has become less of an issue to society. There is almost no excuse now to not come out considering the large number of support groups on college campuses and throughout cities across America. Also, Congress recently passed legislation protecting sexual orientation under hate crime laws, and gay marriage has been legalized in 5 states. The gay community wouldn’t have made this progress if it weren’t for the courageous earlier generations who confronted societal standards and overcame oppression.

Meeting someone today in their early twenties who has yet to come out is like a slap in the face to those of us who have been out of the closet for years. These closeted gays will deny their sexuality if asked, but will attend parties and clubs catered to the gay community. Who are they fooling? Although I’m a firm believer that who we sleep with should not matter, it becomes an issue when closeted gays try to benefit from the work their peers have contributed to the community. A similar concept would be a senior citizen benefiting from AARP programs without paying fees or contributing to the system. The reason life is more enjoyable for gay people today is because people have come out and made our existence and humanity visible to the country.

Life is too short to live a lie, and the stakes are too high for the gay community to be selfish by hiding an important, but small part of your identity. If your parents, friends, or co-workers would abandon you simply because you’re gay, that’s their loss and they never truly loved you. Staying in the closet allows the bigots and oppressors to have control over us. Although life as a gay person may be difficult at times, there is much comfort to be had in being fully honest and open about who you are.