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Where to have sex at UNCG

Melissa Kurland offers her advice about getting off, on campus

Published: Monday, August 14, 2006

Updated: Monday, January 18, 2010 09:01

Somewhere, in some room of that tower, someone is getting their groove on.

Gas-guzzler or shaggin-wagon? If this van’s a-rockin……..

We’ll spare you the hole-in-one or wooden driver jokes, just use your imagination.

Hooking up on campus isn’t easy. To have a rendezvous in your dorm room, establishing privacy requires a bit of craftiness. Unless your roomie is into listening to your late night, mid-day, whatever time of day affair, typically some kind of code is required between the two of you as to letting each other know when to and when not to just walk in. For some, a big “X” on the dry erase board outside is written or a tie of some sort is put on the door knob.

But let’s be honest: in college, most hook ups are sporadic. You get caught up in the heat of the moment, your hormones are racing, and you could really care less what exam your roommate has the next day. So the dilemma occurs, where can you have sex on campus if it can’t be in your dorm?

Well, to help save you time (and precious energy that should be stored up for other activities), here are some areas to think about and explore:

The Jackson Library. Open until midnight every night from Sunday to Thursday, and on Fridays and Saturdays it’s open until 10:00 pm. The options are unlimited. It’s not only the tallest building on campus, but it also comes with the great option of extremely large windows for those who are extra kinky. Not to mention that there are many little private study rooms, conference rooms, bathrooms on every floor (that can be locked), and cubicles. If the time of day or night is right and you are up for a good risky quickie, the elevators are amazingly spacious. The trick to elevator sex is to pick the least visited floor. Be quick. Once when the elevator begins to move again, you know it’s time to take a break. If quickies and high risk aren’t your style, then perhaps the stairwell will be of more convenience to you. Thankfully, there are nine floors in the library and since the majority of us are lazy and don’t have the time to take the stairs, this leaves you with a great shagging ground.

The soccer and baseball stadiums. Who hasn’t had the fantasy of doing it on the 50 yard line of a football field? Well, since UNCG still doesn’t have a football team, the next best bet is the soccer and baseball field. In the stands, under the stands, on the field (might be better off on the sidelines for security purposes), up against the fence. Just beware of cameras, campus security, and other team players trying to live out the same fantasy at the same time as you and your mate.

The golf course and hiking trails. If it’s late at night, the risk of getting caught is extremely low. Even if someone did report you, the time it would take for any kind of authority to care and find your location probably would take much longer than the time your sex session would last.

The parking decks. There are cameras in the parking decks, so if this is an option for you, try to keep things in the car. The parking decks offer a decent amount of secrecy since they are fairly low lit. If you have an SUV with tinted windows in the back, this decreases your risk of getting caught on a more popular time of day.

In the classroom. Go ahead and fulfill that student/teacher fantasy of yours. There are plenty of empty classrooms throughout the day. Just keep voices to a minimum and be sure to stay away from the windows. Having your books and notepad out may be a good idea as well. In the event someone was to come by on surprise, you can hopefully have enough time to readjust and act as if you were “just studying.”

As with any location that is not your own room, you should be very well aware of your surroundings and risks. There’s no greater mood killer than getting caught. Here are a few additional tips to consider prior to and during your nookie session: Ladies, wear a skirt or dress and no underwear. This lowers your risk by minimizing the time it takes to get to the main event. Another great function this offers is that it enables you and your partner to have sex in a sitting position. Positions are important factors to keep in mind. For high risk environments, the sitting and coming in from behind positions are highly recommended (elevators, remain standing). Also, be aware of cameras and your noise level. In the heat of the passion, couples tend to forget where they are and how loud they are being. Finally, timing is everything. Gentlemen, while it is great that some of you can last for hours, it is not recommended to show your amazing stamina when in a high-risk environment. Be quick. Have fun. And above all, be safe!

The Carolinian does not encourage students to have sex in locations where such acts are prohibited or may be unsafe. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of individuals. Please make responsible decisions.

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